Translation Notes — It has been the hottest of minutes since I managed to sit down and translate on this. I am so sorry for that. I’ve completely forgotten half of what’s going on. TTvTT
I know other translators have picked up this project a couple of times, but from what I can tell they are still doing machine translation. If you like their translations, enjoy them. If you like my translations, enjoy them. Just have fun. ✨
My heart was beating double-time.
It was a case of nerves, the likes of which I’d never experienced before.
Not first time I woke up here, not the first time I met with the duke… no, come to think of it, I’d never been really nervous since I got here. I might’ve been in a bit of a panic, though.
Well, originally I was an optimistic type that didn’t fuss myself over the details much, so that may have been at work here, too.
But as expected, even with that sort of personality, I was still pretty wired.
Even though we arrived back at the capital late last night, I was up before they had a chance to wake me this morning. When it came to getting me ready, my maids were fired up and put their absolute best efforts into my preparations.
It’s going to be my first time meeting His Highness the Crown Prince, after all! Our first encounter!
Today, the plans for morning greetings had been turned into our return greetings to His Majesty the King. His Highness the Crown Prince would also be in attendance there.
As I couldn’t remember a single godforsaken thing from before my arrival, this would become my first time meeting His Highness face-to-face.
I wonder what kind of person he is…
I was quite curious about him. I mean, even if it’s just for show, he was my husband.
Even if I used every possible chance to quietly gather information on his character before coming, fact was I still knew next to nothing.
After all, even if the exact words we’re different, everyone was basically saying the same thing.
Beautiful, wise, of great valor, His Highness the Crown Prince, who bears the title of Vera.
Already participating in national politics, hailed as a genius possessed of flawless talent as the next king.
Handsome, calm and level-headed, accomplished in both the literary and military arts…nothing but praise to be heard.
I’m at the point of wanting to scream, “There’s just no freaking way!” There’s no human that perfect. He’s gotta be shamming!
Besides, it’s weird that he doesn’t have another lover or consort, isn’t it?
Dardinia’s king can take up to four queens.
Between one and four queens. This was apparently a remnant of the old days when there were four ducal houses, and each sent a queen to the king.
These days, due to various reasons, all four of these seats are rarely filled.
Even so, the current His Majesty the King has two queens, two consorts, and three concubines.
At the times they entered the palace, his consorts were of houses whose status made them fit as the second and third queens, but as neither had borne any children, they remained mere consorts.
The scale of the palace, number of servants, and even the budget allotted was incomparable between a queen and a consort. When I asked Lilia how different they were, she said in simple math it was at least double. Though naturally, they would also receive support from their Houses, so it wouldn’t be possible to tell the difference just looking at their lives from the outside.
The crown prince and other princes were each allowed one princess, but there was no trouble at all in keeping concubines at their sides. Especially the crown prince, as once he became king, he would be allowed name them as consorts, and if their Houses were of sufficient standing, they could even become queens.
As I, the Crown Princess, was too young to fulfill my duties as a princess…to just lay it out there in plain speak, since I can’t participate in nighttime activities for the sake of heir creation, it’s weird that His Highness the Crown Prince doesn’t have himself another woman.
I mean, he’s a healthy, 27-year-old adult man!
I thought that was how it had to be, and according to Lilia the one-woman intelligence office, it seemed he was possibly enjoying himself to some extent with no-strings-attached relations with some widowed marchioness, or widowed baroness, maybe some famous saint of the red light district…the so-called “high-class prostitute.”
Even if the world sees His Highness the Crown Prince as a man of great and noble character, I was actually kind of relieved too think he wasn’t such a stubborn stoic after all.
“His Highness the Crown Prince has always said one queen was enough, and he has refused many marriage proposals.”
“It’s not like he’s gay, right?”
Considering that, during the Warring States Era, a good majority of the lords and noblemen had homosexual experiences, I didn’t think it would be strange and just said it, but Lilia gave me one hell of a stink-eye for it.
“Impossible! …While I won’t say they don’t exist at all, homosexuality is forbidden by the national church, you know!”
Eh, I have a feeling churches like that are a hotbed for this kind of thing though.
…But Lilia’s scary so let’s just…not say that.
“…And it’s not like he’s a lolicon either, right?”
If he’s a lolicon that’s the most dangerous situation to be in. For me.
Though, since I’m already his princess, even if he does lay a hand on me it’s not like I can say anything about it.
“What does ‘lolicon’ mean?”
Sorry, that word apparently didn’t exist in this side’s vocabulary.
“…It refers to men who have acquired a sexual taste for young girls.”
“That’s definitely not it!”
Lilia’s face paled as she denied it.
She made a religious warding-off kind of gesture, looking as if she’d heard something truly blasphemous.
“That’s true…he is playing around with his one-night stands, too, isn’t he. But…it’s not like that means he’s taking special care of me or anything, right?”
“That’s true. If I were to say it plainly, His Highness the Crown Prince has not assigned Your Highness any more value than you possess as the heiress of Elsvelt…in my personal opinion.”
I’m sure you can guess it by that conversation, but I succeeded in turning Lilia into my accomplice during the journey back to the capital.
Should I say accomplice…or like, ally…I can’t really word it right, but something like that.
Because I mean, the things I can do on my own are pretty limited, after all.
Lilia is like a shadow, always standing at the ready.
Especially since she felt responsible after the falling incident, she never takes her eyes off of me. Trying to pull anything off with someone watching me like a hawk was basically impossible.
When it came to my plans for the future, I didn’t think I’d be able to accomplish anything at all without getting Lilia on my side; but after a lot of consideration, I came to the conclusion that Lilia was worthy of my trust, and I had an honest talk with her about my situation.
I mean, obviously there was no way I could come out and say I have memories of being a 33-year-old woman from another world, but I did tell her everything else.
That I don’t remember a single thing from before the falling incident. That, sometimes, common knowledge essentials appear out of my memories without warning. That the reason I didn’t speak wasn’t because I lost my voice, but because I was trying to get a handle on the state of things…well, Lilia had felt something was off about that from the get-go, so she accepted that right off.
Though she seemed more surprised to realize I could rattle on the way I did.
After all that, I requested her cooperation.
I told her that I didn’t want to just keep on being a target.
That, after the falling incident and what happened to Ellelucia, I wanted to give the culprit what-for.
At first, Lilia disapproved. She was worried about my safety. So I told her I had no intention of jumping into danger on my own or trying to apprehend the criminal myself — I just wanted the full story to be made clear, and have the criminal tried in a court of law.
On the conditions that I never, under any circumstances act alone, and that I discuss everything with her first, Lilia promised to be my ally.
…It may sound nice when I say she understands my disposition well, but I have a feeling she’s going to be pretty merciless in a lot of ways.
“Of course, he has been quite kind on the outside. He worries after Your Highness, and has never neglected gifts on your birthday, and has treated you preciously as his princess…he has never once neglected even the smallest of courtesies.”
“I see.”
Yeah, well, that’s about the sum of it.
Alterie, who had rejected everything around her to the point of being called the Doll Princess…there’s no sign of there having been any exceptions, even now. And that man, who was lauded for his sagacity by all did not, as far as I can tell, recognize that little girl as possessing any particular value. Not even as his lawful wife.
But it doesn’t seem that the good prince and all his great character went out of his way to hurt that little girl…one could even say he’d considered her point of view quite thoroughly. There’s what happened with my mother, and of course my reputation with the citizens.
And above all else, Alterie was an existence brought to him by the Elsvelts.
“But isn’t that just the nature of a political marriage?”
Exactly. It’s a political marriage.
It’s not like we’re lovers, and there’s no reason for us to fall in love.
Much less—12 years old, and 27 years old. There’s no way we’d immediately get wrapped up in some mushy relationship just because we’re a man and a woman.
Shouldn’t it plenty if we interact with each other with respect, and conduct ourselves to protect each other’s positions?
“…Wha~t?”
“It’s just…You really have lost your memories, haven’t you,” Lilia said, half in admiration.
“What’s that about?”
I tilted my head, wondering what made Lilia say such a thing all of a sudden.
“…Even though you have said you have amnesia, you don’t appear to conduct yourself in any noticeable way in your everyday life. After all, Your Highness didn’t even speak enough to fulfill the barest minimum before, and you never told anyone what you were thinking. Even back when we thought you had lost your voice, hardly anyone paid it any mind at all.”
Didn’t even speak enough to fulfill the barest minimum…damn, what a way to say it.
But that’s exactly why my talking like this struck everyone as quite fresh…and that was also exactly why they were able to believe I’d lost my memories.
While normally girls are prone to enjoying a good chat, it seemed Alterie spent her free time doing nothing but reading books or studying.
“For many long years, while Your Highness was quite reticent, you did brainstorm often with your tutor, Professor Luheighet. Age was the only thing that separated the two of you, and I believe the professor was the closest person to Your Highness.”
“What happened to that professor?”
“Unfortunately, shortly before Your Highness departed he experienced complications with influenza and passed away…he was quite advanced in his age, after all…his successor as your tutor has yet to be determined.”
Lilia’s face twisted with grief.
“That is unfortunate. …Did I have no wet nurse?”
Since I had no mother, there had to be a wet nurse in the picture.
“Your Highness’ wet nurse, Lady Marlene, passed away the year I arrived here…she was attacked by ruffians.”
“Is that…so…”
Even here, Alterie’s surroundings had been overshadowed by danger and misfortune.
Like…if I had to put a word to it, “unlucky” would probably be it.
“Alice would be Lady Marlene’s niece. As all of Lady Marlene’s children were boys, Alice ended up coming to the palace in her place.”
“Hmm…”
The only time I can talk like this is when I’m alone with Lilia.
Since it would be strange for me to just start prattling on out of nowhere, I normally tried to act as former-Alterie-like as possible. This was also to keep from putting the real culprit on his guard.
But, I do try to at least show a minimum of respect…or like, at least I say “thank you,” and greet people properly, and I let a smile slip sometimes.
Thanks all it takes to shock people. Really, it makes me want to cry for everything I’ve done.
Once all this is over and done with, I’m going to reform myself! I am!
“Your Highness’ maids change out relentlessly…after all, you are targeted so often, it’s quiet high-risk.”
“Am I really targeted that often? It’s not like I go out all that often, right?”
“That’s correct. …So long as you are in the palace, you are safe. After all, your palace is even more strictly guarded than the inner palace. But so long as you are the crown princess, in the end, it isn’t as though you can keep from going outside at all.”
The crown princess has duties she has to fulfill.
While I was exempted as a small child, it seemed they’d begun increasing those appearances recently.
“At present, it’s about once a month, I suppose…though something happens every time.”
His Highness the Crown Prince sent out his soldiers ahead of time to do a roundup, but at least once out of every three times there would still be an uproar, she said, and laughed bitterly.
“An uproar?”
“That’s right. Fire arrows were shot into the procession, and they attempted to capture you in the midst of the confusion…or they set runaway horses on us and attempted to kidnap Your Highness…I was always shocked at how you could get through it without a single change of expression. At the risk of compounding my rudeness, I thought the epithet of ‘Doll Princess’ incredibly apt.”
“I don’t remember, so I’m not bothered by it, but even so that’s pretty amazing, isn’t it…”
I know we’re talking about me, but I’m impressed anyway.
Aaah, but…we’re also talking about being captured and getting kidnapped. …Not being killed.
There’s something different about then and now, right?
“…Pardon me, Highness, but what manner of things do you remember?”
“Things like people’s personalities will pop into my head when I hear their names. But since I don’t really remember their faces, it doesn’t help much.”
It might be difficult to recall any vision-based memories.
Honestly, I had Lilia describe His Highness Nadir’s appearance to me, but absolutely nothing came to mind.
“Even though there weren’t any troubles with your etiquette at all…”
“I don’t think motion-based habits can be forgotten. Since even if my head doesn’t remember, my body still does, so I think that explains why I reproduce the same behaviors.”
“That is true. …Please be extra careful, Highness, not to mistake the order of your greetings.”
Basically, when its comes to greetings, those of lower rank greet first.
And after greetings, it is proper for those of higher rank to speak first.
Apparently it’d be impolite for meekest to speak first after making my greetings.
Well, it’s not all that strict of a thing, but it is important in settings where courtesies are necessary.
I guess that’s why the duke only ever greeted me at the Elsvelt castle, huh…
I was regretting that misunderstanding a bit.
I told Lilia she could speak to me whenever necessary.
Pain in the ass that it was, this was how class-based societies operated, so it wasn’t like someone like me near the top of that society could go about breaking those rules.
In this country, the only persons higher than me in status were His Majesty the King, Her Highness the First Queen, and His Highness the Crown Prince.
The children of the First Queen — aside from His Highness the Crown Prince — and Her Highness the Second Queen and all her children were beneath me in status. No need to even talk about the consorts or lovers.
“I’ll be careful,” I said with a solemn nod.
Lilia’s eyes widened a little, and she smiled. She looked a little more her age when she smiled like that. She always looked five or six years older than her real age.
“What is it?”
“Nothing…I was simply pleased.”
“…by me?”
“Yes. …It’s possible this might come across as disrespectful, but… If Your Highness’ loss of memory is the reason we have you as you are now, I don’t think I would mind if you never regained your memories.”
That thought made her happy, apparently.
Meaning, the current me was fine with her.
I doubted I’d ever be able to regain all my memories…but even if I did regain them, I would never return to being the Doll Princess, nor did I have any intention of going back.
“Rumors have gone around the court of Your Highness’ confused memories, so even if you conduct yourself oddly in the future, it shouldn’t become anything too problematic.”
“Thank you, Lilia.”
Lilia’s awesome. She’s way too prepared.
Just by making Lilia my ally, my freedom of movement improved dramatically. And the amount of information I was able to gain was incomparable. I wouldn’t have thought it would make such a difference.
I feel ridiculous for having worried so much about so many things before deciding to reach out to her.
…There’s a ton of stuff I don’t know.
Honestly, it’s still scary to trust Lilia with everything.
Because I get the feeling Lilia knows way more than the average lady-in-waiting should.
Even so…
I decided to believe in her.
That’s why all that’s left is to get my feelings on board with my decision.
“…Shall we head off soon?”
“Is it time already?”
Even though I woke up so early…
“That’s right. Better to arrive a bit early than to run behind.”
“True.”
I stood up slowly. Standing up or sitting down vigorously is a no-go.
…I’ve got this, I told myself.
Lilia is here for me. Then, there is Count Schtazen, and the knights guarding me who have sworn their swords to me.
I am no longer alone in this world.
That’s why now, it was time to step out with confidence.
Lotus in the Mire Translations 